Mystery of Transformation

The Butterfly Chrysalis

During the time that a caterpillar egg is an egg, it looks nothing like a caterpillar, and the butterfly seems a far cry from the larva that precedes it. Do caterpillars recognize butterflies as their future selves? Do butterflies identify caterpillars as past relations? The most mysterious phase of this shape-shifting creature's process is the chrysalis, the jade green cocoon in which the crawling, leaf-eating caterpillar transforms into a floating, nectar-drinking butterfly.

In our human lives, we sometimes find ourselves in the chrysalis state. During those times we don't have much to offer the outside world because, whether we realize it or not, much of our energy is consumed with an inner transition. We might feel sluggish or disinterested in the outside world. We might feel impatient with ourselves, wondering why we don't have the energy we used to for our usual routines. But if we remember the chrysalis-the dark, inner sanctum that provides the environment for a remarkable conversion-we can relax and let ourselves be, finding ways to support our process rather than cajoling ourselves out of it.

If you see a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the temptation may be to help it break out. But the physical challenge of this part of the process is necessary for the butterfly to build its strength so that it can survive outside the chrysalis. The same is true of us. Sometimes we have to labor on our own to discover the force we need to be our new selves in the world.

Similarly, when seeing friends or family members struggling, it's easy to become impatient and want to help with their emergence, but we have to learn to let others make their own way. Taking on the challenge of liberating ourselves directly enables us to thrive in our new freedom. Sometimes the greatest supports we can offer others and ourselves are patience and quiet confidence in the process unfolding, along with faith that the result will be extraordinary.

~ from http://www.dailyom.com/

One Petal at a Time

Thank you Miranda for sharing your perspective. I must say, after reading "Miss Fiorella TS Essay" I certainly understand why you were pondering when you wrote this. I was only able to get half-way through her article before the bile started rising in my throat. This is not a pleasant read, my dear! The author is so bitter, so harsh, so misfortunate. She labels transgendered people into cut-and-dried categories, then proceeds to rant on about the trials and tribulations of every TS's life.

She makes it seem that a huge fatalistic choice must be made, throwing one's life completely away, describing every possible worst-case scenario, as though it were most likely to happen. She makes no allowance for living a harmonious duality of male/female, compares supportive partners to "winning a lottery", and is harshly pessimistic about the ability of a TS person to maintain any part of the former male life (ie: marriage, career, family). I simply couldn't read the whole article, it was too discouraging. No wonder you felt beat-up!

I think part of your angst stems from this internal pressure that your TG journey should follow a linear progressive path toward some end. It may be due to your inner drive and self-competitive nature where you always want to beat your last best score. It seems you either want to take Miranda to some different level, or shut her out altogether. Perhaps it is possible to focus more in the moment, just dwelling today on the feminine gifts that you already have, rather than wishing for something else. Let your feminine energy flow naturally, and let its warmth envelope you, rather than trying to push/pull it in some certain direction.

Wherever your lifepath takes you, Miranda will be there too. No matter whether you choose to keep her inside, or bring her out on the surface, her presence lives within you. You mention fast losing interest in the internet and virtual female existence, yet this is the only self-expression that Miranda has at the moment. Every time you go online, Miranda takes a breath of air. Maybe she's bored, but at least she's breathing! And remember, you don't have to be "dressed" to be her... gender is 98% in the brain, the rest is just icing on the cake.

This being said, is there any way you could take time to dress up once in awhile? As Adara mentioned, self-empowerment is required in some situations. You feel disempowered right now because you don't have the same career position as you once did, yet you still have the right to *be* who you are. Such personal choices as dressing and esthetics do not harm anyone, so you should take the liberty to do what makes you happy. If you are happy, you will be a better spouse and parent. This is a win-win cycle. When pondering how far to allow Miranda to come out, remember there is a big spectrum of options in between occasional CD'ing and full time transitioning.

Just relax dear, don't be so goal-oriented. You don't need to make any big life-altering decisions right now. Just blossom into your femininity one petal at a time.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2006/01/on-golden-pondering.html

Balancing Male and Female Energies

The following article, "Balancing Male and Female Energies", is exerpted from meta-religion.com, a popular New Age source. The message is delivered by Germane, a group consciousness energy, through clairvoyant Lyssa Royal. It provides a powerful framework for harmonization of our male and female selves through meditation and creative visualization. The approach presented applies to all gender orientations.

~ Offered in Sisterhood, Love & Light by Michele Angelique, GenderEvolve.com



* * *

Balancing Male and Female Energies

Germane: All right, greetings to all of you. This is Germane. Pleasure to be with you today. Are you here? All right. Just making sure we went to the right dimension.

Now, you've read the subject for tonight - balancing the male and female energies. We're going to give you a little analogy to start off with. Imagine the batteries you have that run your tape recorders. One end is negative; one end is positive. Now, it doesn't mean that the negative end is bad or the positive end is good, but that they are opposite charges. Both charges are necessary to run the tape recorder.

This reality you live in is a polarized reality. It has charges just like that battery. There are many different ways to categorize those two charges, like yin and yang, but tonight we're going to talk about the masculine/feminine as the battery that fuels your universe.

Each of you, then, has masculine and feminine energy within you. Together those energies act like a battery. They are the fuel that allows you to be who you are in this dimension. We want to get you really familiar with these two charges and allow you to develop an intimate relationship with them. As you develop an intimate relationship with the masculine and the feminine within yourself, this allows for the ultimate balance, the ultimate integration of your energies in this dimensional reality.

So, even though it's uncharacteristic for us, we're going to begin with a meditation. The reason for this is that some of the things you discover in this meditation you might want to refer to during the session. So get yourselves comfortable.

Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Place the beautiful golden-white Light around your body. Feel yourself relax into that Light. We're going to do a brief chakra exercise.

* Place your attention at the base of your spine. Place there a beautiful ball of red energy. Allow that ball of red energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention about three inches below your navel. Place there a beautiful ball of orange energy. Allow that ball of energy to spin slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your solar plexus. Place there a beautiful ball of yellow energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your heart. Place there a beautiful ball of green energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your throat. Place there a beautiful ball of blue energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your third eye between your brows. Place there a beautiful ball of indigo energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at the top of your head. Place there a beautiful ball of violet energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

~Imagine that you are walking down a long hallway. At the end of the hallway is a closed door. Allow yourself to put your hand on the doorhandle. Open the door and walk inside. You are now in a large room. In the center of the room is a beautiful, large, ornate mirror. Allow yourself to walk and stand in front of the mirror. The reflection looking back at you is the one you see every day. But now we're going to ask you to do an exercise with us.

Consciously change the reflection in the mirror to one of masculine energy. This means if you are female, see yourself as male. If you are male, see yourself as even more masculine than you feel you are in your daily life. Change this image into an image of masculinity down to the most minute detail possible. All the while remember, this is you - this is your masculine self. We will give you a moment to look at this image of yourself and begin to feel comfortable with it.

Now reach your hand into the mirror and take the hand of the masculine image in yours. Pull this masculine self out of the mirror so that he stands in front of you. Imagine that a beam of green energy connects your heart with his heart. Then take him into an embrace. As you embrace, feel that the boundaries between you are lessening. Feel the blending of your energies together. You blend so much that finally you stand simply embracing yourself.

Now turn and walk out of the room the way you came, back into the hallway and close the door. Next to that door is another door. Allow yourself to put your hand on the handle. Open that door and walk inside. In that room also stands a large, ornate mirror. Walk up to the mirror and stand looking at your usual reflection. Now, consciously begin to change that reflection into one of feminine energy. If you are female, make the reflection even more feminine. If you are male, make the reflection your female counterpart. Change the reflection to the smallest detail possible. We will give you a moment to become familiar with this feminine self.

Now, reach your hand into the mirror and take the hand of the feminine image. Pull the feminine image out from the mirror so that she stands in front of you. Imagine that there's a beam of green energy connecting both of you at the heart. Then take this feminine image into an embrace. As you embrace, feel that the boundaries between you are lessened. Finally there are no boundaries. You have become one, and you stand embracing yourself.

Allow yourself to walk out of the room the way you came. Close the door behind you. Feel your consciousness begin to come back to the room here. Feel your body here in the physical universe. When you feel ready, you may open your eyes.

-- These Archetypes Are Our Friends --

You've just been introduced to two friends who live within you. No matter what you do in your life, these friends will always be there. We can call these the male and female archetypes. In your own time, in your own contemplation, think about how easy it was to visualize the male or the female. Were there problems with either of them? Was one easier than the other? If you had one that was more difficult to visualize, perhaps that's one that you may want to work on at some point.

These male and female archetypes are like the battery that runs your tape recorder. They live within you. Now this doesn't mean that you're going to stay polarized within these archetypes forever. No. But when you truly befriend each archetype, casting light onto them so there are no shadows, it is then that integration can truly occur.In our perception, this is one of the most important things in terms of growth, that all of you can be working on right now.

Notice we said one of the most important things; because the male-female balance is also reflected in your planet. As you know, your planet has been polarized more toward the masculine for quite some time. Now, in this time, the feminine energy is rising within all of you but the planet does not know, from its masculine point of view, how to integrate that feminine energy. So that's why you're seeing a lot of different struggles in the family system in cultures all over your planet that are trying to break out of their old societal patterns.

-- Heal the Self First --

We've said so many times that when you want to heal the planet, the first thing to do is to begin healing the self. So if you want to balance the energy on the planet, balance your energy within. We have all sorts of exercises that can help you with this. Some of them are rather fun, but they require you to be a little playful and a little bit courageous. So, assuming that all of you want to be playful and all of you want to be courageous...do you? [Yes.] All right. We're going to give you one to help you get in touch with the masculine/feminine within you in the physical universe, now that we've allowed you to touch them in the archetypal universe.

-- Play-act the Opposite Polarity --

If you are a female, one day when you have some errands to run, allow yourself to dress in the most masculine style possible. When you're walking down the street, pretend you're a man. Consider what a man would feel going to get a newspaper. What would a man feel going into a restaurant for lunch? Play-act and become a man; you can have a lot of fun with this. A very feminine woman who did the exercise said she felt powerful. After that she had, in her estimation, no problem in expressing her masculine side.

If you are a man, we're not going to tell you to wear a dress, so don't worry. If you're a man and you're going out to do some errands, dress in the most androgynous way possible so that you feel neither male nor female. When you're walking down the street, imagine that you are a woman. What would it feel like to be a woman getting the newspaper? What would it feel like to be a woman going into a restaurant? Again, this will require you to play-act, pretend. It's important that you allow yourself to have fun when you're doing this, because if you take it too seriously, you don't feel the energy as much.

Now, we're going to reverse it. If you are female, and you're going out to run some errands, dress yourself in the most feminine way possible, more so than you usually do. Accentuate your feminine energy. When you're doing your errands, feel that light, feminine energy more than you usually do. If you're male, dress yourself in the most masculine way possible - cowboy boots maybe, hats...you'd have to answer that question. When you walk down the street, feel really butch, really masculine. See what that brings up in you.

As you do these exercises, pay attention to what you have trouble with, what was easy for you. You may even want to keep a journal in order to document them. Just do it. Doing these exercises is like sticking your finger into an electric socket. We guarantee you that if you do them seriously and playfully, you're going to feel energetic changes. You're going to learn an awful lot about yourself.

-- Develop a Relationship --

One of the reasons we introduced you to your internal male and female archetypes is that we'd like you to develop an ongoing relationship with them. You know, children have imaginary friends; there's no reason why adults can't have them too, although they're not really imaginary.
So, pretend that this male you saw in the mirror and this female you saw in the mirror are real people who live inside of you. The first thing we're going to ask you to do is to give them names. You can choose the name. It really doesn't matter, but make sure it is something you're comfortable with because you're going to want to refer to these people many times in the future, for they are real people inside of you.

Now, we're also going to ask you, if you want to do this, to begin carrying on imaginary dialogue with them. When you're standing and doing the dishes, think of Mary, your inner female and talk to her. Maybe you feel you're having trouble with your feminine energy, so ask Mary for advice. Ask Mary what she would do in a certain situation. Imagine her response. Do the same thing with your inner male. We'll call him Joe. When you haven't been assertive enough, ask Joe how to be assertive. Ask him for advice. I

f you develop really strong relationships with these inner archetypes, we absolutely guarantee you that you're going to begin to transform. The people who have worked with these exercises have had dramatic changes in the areas of their lives where they felt they were weak. So if you really want to accelerate your growth, try it out and see what happens.

-- The Time is Now --

In a sense, there's no more time for fooling around. Many of you who have been involved in the New Age movement for quite some time have been getting yourselves ready for the time when it was really going to count - when it was really going to matter. All through the 80's and even the early 90's, you've been getting ready. The time you've been getting ready for is now. When you actively take part in your growth, when you're ready to look at everything, including the shadows, you're going to accelerate very fast, and you're going to become the person you've always hoped you would become. The time is now.

All of you who are alive now chose your incarnations so that you would be here now. This is because now is the time of transformation. Beginning in 1993, everything you do and say is going to count more than it ever has before. Now we don't want to sound so serious. Have some fun with it too.

-- You Are Filled With the Energies of Transformation --

When we look at your energy fields, we see butterflies just ready to come out of the cocoon. We sense a tremendous amount of energy locked within each of you; not that you're blocking it, but that tremendous energy inside is the energy of transformation. You may not notice in your daily life that you're transforming, and you may not believe us when we tell you that you are, but you are. Transformation is a relative thing. Often you cannot see where you've been and where you're going. But in this room, there's much energy for transformation.

All of you are at a turning point. This is the point of power. Use it wisely. Use it joyfully. Even if you are afraid of your transformations, do not allow your fear to keep you immobile, for the most important thing you can do is act, rather than staying still.

So, that is our discourse for tonight.
http://www.meta-religion.com/Paranormale/Other/balancing_male_and_female_energi.htm

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Germane Through Lyssa Royal:Germane, a group consciousness energy, states that "his" orientation is from a realm of integration that does not have a clear-cut density/dimensional level. The term "germane" in the English language means "significant relevance" or "coming from the same source". Germane therefore chose this term to somewhat personify his energy. Neither male nor female, he views us as evolving to become him as we begin the process of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual integration, which leads us back to the Source of All.

* * *

Don't Compare Yourself

Darlings... the insecurity that some of you feel when in the presence of a beautiful woman is common to females. However, it is a common *weakness* among the feminine gender, not one to be emulated, but rather something to overcome. The dark energies of jelousy and malice stem from insecurity, and it is the poison tears womankind apart.

If not for this weakness among women, we could have solidarity, unity, of the feminine gender. Imagine the power! If women could only let go of this self-destructive attribute called insecurity... for goodness sake, transwomen, do not fall into this trap!

You feel jealous in the presence of beautiful genetic women, to whom you believe this beauty "comes so easily". Consider this my friends... these women have been developing their femininity all their lives. It's *not* just so easy, it takes years and years practice... and the real artform comes in appearing to be "not even trying".

When you see women who seem to have femininity so easily, remember that they have been working at honing their feminine grace to look like their "not even trying" since they were a toddler. It is not uncommon for a feminine woman to devote 2-3 hours per day, every day of her teen and adult life, to mastering this "not even trying" style and grace.

Presuming you as transwomen have not been at it quite so long or so consistently, why compare yourself to them? They may have the equivalent to a Ph.D. in femininity, while you are still working on high school or undergrad studies.

Instead of feeling insecure, jelous, or unworthy, rather look at these women as a source of inspiration. Study them, and learn. Accelerate your own understanding of femininity by seeking to replicate them. Trust me, that "not even trying" femininity takes a lot of practice.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2006/01/interesting-revelation.html

The Value of Honesty

Sharon Williams made a very important point about honesty, to which every self-admitted transgendered person can relate. In order to acknowledge and realize one's transgendered state, a certain level of self-honesty is required. All of our TG sisters have already crossed this bridge, a step which took tremendous courage. Yet, this is only the first step.

Next comes honesty about one's own feelings, behaviors, needs and dreams. Self-Realization occurs because of honesty and fulfillment comes from action based on honesty. In order to fully embrace oneself, it is necessary to honestly look at everything, including the dark. Every person has strengths and weaknesses, talents and failings, hope and despair. It requires honesty to admit the full spectrum of reality to oneself. Avoidance of truth due to inner fear will only make the dark grow stronger. Rather than working desperately to avoid the dark, use honesty to help shed light on those areas. Honesty with other people is critical for so many reasons.

I would venture that perhaps no other single factor will determine success or failure in human relations. Honesty is the key element of trust. To be dishonest violates trust, and any relationship will begin to break down without trust. Our word is our bond. Without our word, we have nothing. Whatever we say, let it always be true.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2006/01/honesty.html

*****

Further to this topic of honesty, I am appending an email written just today by Lacey Leigh (www.laceyleigh.com ) which applies so perfectly to our conversation.

TheSuccessfulCrossdresser@yahoogroups.com, "Michelle N Mara" wrote:

> You pass, you have them fooled, and then you go and ruin *it* after
> you had *it* by telling them,......... why?
> > All I could think of was...."but, I'm not *trying to fool them*, I'm
> just trying to be a woman, because I see myself that way, and feel
> that way".
> > Again she said, "but why tell them"? I couldn't answer her.
> > Lacey....anyone......is there an answer? I see what she is saying
> about it being a harmless deception, or not really a deception in a
> case like this. But.......is there an answer?

Michelle,They expect you to stay 'cloaked' because that's what they've been led to believe we should do. When you're 'supposed' to feel ashamed of who you are, you're expected to keep a low profile. They are still in the binary gender - either/or - mindset. If you're out of sight, they don't have to think about it. Your example illustrates otherwise. By being upfront about it, you're shifting the perception and being the change you wish to see.

Why? Because it's honest.

As you can see, the reaction to your honesty is sometimes curiosity, surprise, and confusion. But your cards are on the table and no one will get angry because they feel misled or fooled or deceived.

Why? Because it's making a difference.

There are now several additional people who have encountered an upbeat, unapologetic transgendered person - an image that will surely replace the dysfunctional model they've been led to believe. This is a good thing.

Why? Because it's personally empowering.

Because we are *not* women - but males with an abundance of 'feminine' aspects of personality. Learning to express and explore these facets of character help us grow. But not if we are in a sheltered, 'pretend' mode. It serves us well to accept who we are, in reality - as opposed to fantasy - and then to celebrate all of it.

Wishing you success,
Lacey Leigh
--Author of "7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers"
http://www.LaceyLeigh.com

Perception of Womankind

Devi thank you so much for this beautiful and thoughtful contribution! The title "Shades of Pink" is perfect for the context of your article. While pink is often thought to represent femininity, it can also be perceived as a blend of the color of love (red) and the color of light (white). In other words, Pink = Light + Love... what a glorious framework for the celebration of transgender expression. Your article conveys a sense of inner peace and emotional balance, which is what we all are striving for.

I really appreciate your use of the term "shades of..." as it seems among the transgendered community, there are no absolutes. The transgender umbrella includes a broad spectrum, with individuals representing every point. Many will even move from one shade to another as they evolve along their journey. Where the typical inclination has been to try and apply hard-and-fast labels to explain individual TG behavior (CD/TV/TS), your "shades" approach is all inclusive and gives recognition to the dynamic nature of the trans community. "Shades" corresponds so well with the message of your article because you are identifying the fluidity and progression of your own transgender expression. Among the beautiful transgendered ones, no two shades are exactly the same.

Those among the TG community have many commonalities, yet the differences are even greater. You do an excellent job of identifying the main areas of difference being the shades of origin, self-acceptance, motivation, expression, and contentment. Everyone within the community has a different perspective, or shade, within these areas. It is fascinating to think of the diversity that exists within these common realms.

I think you hone in on a very profound truth with this statement:"I believe that individual self acceptance follows when one genuinely treats the gender they are expressing as equal to their biological one. If a man sees the feminine as the 'weaker' or any other similar pejorative, his own en femme expression would reflect that, and affect 'his' ability to accept 'her'."

I think you hit the nail on the head Devi. In my opinion, the primary reason M2F transgenderism is considered "unnatural" by society at large is the deeply ingrained belief that women are inferior to men. Women wanting to be more like men seems readily understood and accepted, given men's "superior" status in the eyes of prevalent religion and culture. A woman wanting to be more man-like is considered a natural aspiration to greatness. Whereas, a man wanting to be more woman-like is perceived as weakness or perversion.

I think a man's perception of women this is the singlemost important determinant of his level of comfort and pride in his transgender experience. Those who perceive woman as equal will not experience the same level of guilt and shame in expressing femininity, whereas a man with ingrained beliefs that women are inferior will fight against his feminine tendencies, perhaps even to the point of loathing and/or abusing his femme self. No man can be blamed for this internal struggle, as this gender disparity has existed within the human race since the dawn of time it seems.

For those transgendered people who feel this guilt, shame, self-hatred, the healing can begin with looking deeply into ones own individual perception of womankind. How one feels about his inner woman will be a direct reflection of how he feels about the female gender at large.

One of the quotes we have on GenderEvolve elucidates perfectly this very point..."A man will treat a woman almost exactly the way he treats his own interior feminine. In fact, he hasn't the ability to see a woman, objectively speaking, until he has made some kind of peace with his interior woman." Robert Johnson

Again, thank you so much Devi for contributing this uplifting and enlightening article. I very much enjoyed experiencing a glimpse of your particular shade, and think you are truly brilliant!

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/12/shades-of-pink.html

Psychology 101

Thank you to Annette for posting M2F2M. The topic of changing back after transitioning is not one I have seen readily discussed in too many TG forums. While there must be some who have regrets after transition, it seems few speak openly about these feelings, let alone transition back. This is a sad story, and quite likely very rare.

I can't help but wonder if there isn't an undertone of psychological disorder in this individual? He was hospitalised on more than one occasion due to his state of mind. There may be cases where the person is "diagnosed" transsexual, when their gender focused behaviors are actually resulting from an underlying mental illness.

While my depth of knowledge in this area is limited to only a few psychology classes in university, I can cite a some examples where an underlying mental illness could lead to a gender-identity crisis.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) leads an individual to fixate on a specific detail, either about themselves or their environment. They may engage in repetitive or unusual behaviors in order to remedy the "problem". In some cases that fixation may be their gender, or a specific body part attribute such as their penis or body hair.

Depressive disorder leads an individual to excessive self-critism, hopelessness, feelings of inadequacy. Often people who are severely depressed wish they were someone else, or dead. A very depressed person may lead themself to believe that if only they could take on a whole new body, life would get better.

Mania is the other side of depression, and some people are "bi-polar" (both manic and depressive, in turn). When a person is manic, they may have delusions of grandeur, they may take excessive risks, engage in outlandish or sexually promiscuous behavior, often in the guise of an alter-ego character. Why not that of a woman?

Body Dismorphia is a condition where the individual perceives some part of their body to be inherantly defective, to the point of causing grave distress, where no actual deformity or flaw exists. People afflicted with this condition will often be anorexic or bullemic, engage in excessive surguries or grooming rituals, and go to extreme lengths to conceal or correct the flaw. To such a person, there may be one flaw, or multiple, and in some cases the perceived flaw shifts from one body part to the next depending on the individuals mood. The perception of the penis as a deformity may in some individuals stem from body dismorphia rather than gender disphoria.

These are just a few examples of mental illnesses that may account for people who rush into full SRS then later realize it was the wrong decision. In some people, treating the underlying mental illness may alleviate the gender discomfort. Unfortunately in other cases, an underlying mental illness may go undiagnosed, and the person finds themself just as unhappy in the female mode as they were in male. I suspect this is the case for poor Sam. Fortunately there are medications which help to treat or effectively cope with any of the above.

Individuals who are mentally and emotionally balanced while transitioning are much more likely to be make decisions they can live with for the long term. It should be clearly understood that changing one's sex will not automatically change one's life. Others who are on a wild roller-coaster ride, whose lives revolve around their gender issues, with turmoil and instability all around, and who feel the need to suddenly and urgently rush into full transition, are more likely to change their minds and regret their decisions later. It is this latter group that I would tend to look more carefully and question the underlying cause of their behavior. These are the people I would urge to consider alternative treatment options. If there is an underlying mental illness such as those described above, hormones will actually worsten the condition.

There is no magic pill... all that hormones or surgury can do is provide a different (hopefully improved) vehicle in which to drive forth. It's up to the driver whether to put the stilleto to the metal, or sit in idle waiting for miracles. People who have this in perspective are more likely to enjoy a successful transition.

Thanks again to Annette for sharing this unique perspective. It definitely merits pondering by anyone who is considering permanently changing their gender.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/12/m2f2m.html

Dressing En Femme

One thing I have in common with transladies is the love of feminine dressing. I’d like to share my own girl-woman dressing evolution, and explain how dressing has impacted me. I understand completely why you need this feeling because I need it too. I may well need it so much as to be unhealthy. Yet I’m genetically female, so my excessive dressing habits are “normal”. My love of feminine dressing energy was a factor that drew me to the transgender community. With my love of feminine dressing, I know that if I’d have been born male I would be a t-girl.

The joy of feminine dressing runs deep for me. I’ve always been a girly-girl. As a little girl I loved doing fun girlstuff like playing “dolls” or “house” or “dressup”. Every day I would enjoy having my long hair done in french braids, pigtails or half-up half-down, and would always request the ribbons and barrettes. I wore a dress at every possible opportunity, complete with pretty tights, shiny shoes, even cute frilly panties.

I remember one of the most important qualities of a dress was its spin factor… the degree to which it would twirl outward. When I would wear a twirly dress, I would spin myself round and round, mesmerized by the fabric of my dress flowing outward. I would insist on demonstrating the twirl of my dress to anyone who would pay mind to me. Of course, in doing this I would invariably become dizzy and fall down on the floor with my cheeks all flushed, giggling hysterically.

In my perfect little world, I would have dressed femme every day. My mom set limits in this area because she wanted me to have a diversity of interests (thankfully!). Plus it was probably a lot more trouble for her to dress me up like the little doll I wanted to be, than on those days when I was resigned to more practical attire. I was always lucky enough to be able to negotiate the dressup at least a few times a week, so I certainly didn’t suffer.

Part of why I was so drawn to dressing girly was the notable positive reaction from those around me. When I would dress up pretty, I would get more attention, and people seemed generally more receptive to me. Before the age of 5, I already had an inkling of the power of feminine beauty and charm. I would work my little girl “cuteness” to the maximum (or so I supposed). Being a girl definitely had its advantages, yet I grew up in an era and place where girls basically had “equal” status to boys. I got to enjoy the fun of being a girl, while having the same opportunities boys had. I know how fortunate I am for having experienced this.

As I moved into my teen years, dressing was still a huge part of my life, although it took on a different form. No longer did I want to be girly. Instead I wanted to be SEXY and BAD. So I experimented with my look, constantly changing styles. At the age of 13 my look was inspired directly by Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”. I got into sexy dresses and mini-skirts, lace nylons and gloves, scarves, ripped up clothing mostly all black, with white, red or hot pink accents. Makeup became my new-found obsession, which I applied to excess, and in every manner of experimentation I could conceive. My hair was always wild and huge, often different colors, punked out in any variant of ways. Jewelry was overdosed upon, earrings, chains, rings, bracelets… and accessories, belts, chains… and footwear, heels always, preferably something saucy and spiky (I still enjoy the dominant power of the heel click factor), rain, snow, whatever, reason and practicality be damned!

By the age of 16, I began to emerge from the wild-child phase, and become more of a young lady. The dressing was still a big part, but again, it took on a different form. I began to have a taste for more elegant styles, subdued yet always quite feminine. Deeply ingrained in my psyche by this time was the daily ritual of styling and curling my long hair and applying full makeup, and I would spend anywhere from 1-3 hours per day on dressing and beautification.

Not much has changed in my 32 years as a female, only the emergence of my different dressing styles. My love for feminine beauty and dressing has remained constant in my life. As you may have noticed from my pictures, I still dress up and experiment with my look often. On a daily basis, I still perform the beauty ritual, even if I’ve no plans to leave the house. It’s something I need, I crave, and I indulge perhaps to a fault.

Mirror, mirror on the wall… it has always been my best friend and my worst enemy.The self-adornment options available to females are endless. Fashion choices are bounded only by imagination, and undergarments alluring and sexy. Proper makeup can conceal almost any “flaw” and hair can be styled in a plethora of ways (with wigs as an alternative). Women’s jewelry is pretty, dainty, sparkly, eye-catching. Shoes and accessories are available in literally millions of different designs.

For men, the options are not even 1% of what is available to women. Men have to just accept themselves in a totally natural state, with very little opportunity for improvement beyond a certain point. Women have the opportunity to enhance and maximize our outer appearance, transforming ourselves into whatever image we want to portray. As women, we have available a whole spectrum of identity crafting tools to which men are not permitted.

What is needed on both sides of the equation is balance. Women are fortunate to have all the trappings of beautification available to them, yet it’s a two edge sword. Women who dress to excess may hinge a great degree of self-confidence on outer appearance. I must confess to falling into this category, as for many years I would not leave the house without my “mask”. I have come to realize that I feel like a different person when dressed, partially because of the vastly different outside reaction when dressed vs. drab.

Not only must I care far too much about approval from strangers, but I need to also understand that it’s just window dressing, costuming even. The makeup isn’t ME. When dressing must occur before self-confidence kicks in, it can’t be healthy. This is my challenge.The other side of the coin is men, who are not allowed by society to modify their appearance at all. Even if their outside does not match who they are inside, they must settle for the basics. Men are relegated to a very narrow set of boundaries in terms of self-expression.

Society condones men becoming physically fit, smelling good and being well groomed, but that’s about it. Any further measures to improve ones appearance are frowned upon. It seems so inequitable compared to women’s opportunities in this area.

Due to my own love for dressing, my sense of fairness, and my belief in gender equality, I could never condemn a man for (cross)dressing. In fact, I very much enjoy interacting with men who dress. I never imagined there could be men who would bridge this gap, and truly understand what women go through in regard to the beautification ritual. Too many times in my life I have heard from an ordinary man “why does it take you so long to get ready? can’t you just throw on some jeans? hurry up! c’mon lets go!” who upon getting his wish might say something to the effect of “well geez, you’re not really going out looking like THAT are you?” Never again will I hear these words, thankfully.

Men who dress have an appreciation for all the little details that go into the process, and will notice the effort in a positive light. Men who are clueless about dressing assume women roll out of bed looking like this. Men who dress present a most refreshing evolution from the status quo of men. These are the people who are bridging the gender gap, and whose courage will be the foundation for true equality between man and woman.

Originally posted to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/12/for-love-of-dressing.html

AdaraBeth's Dream

Adara Beth, I love your dream...

Many near-death experiences have brought you to the point where you no longer want to surpress or deny a part of you that is very real... a part that has so long been aching for recognition. You are now on the path of self-actualization by learning to embrace yourself fully. As you come to love both sides of yourself equally, your balance will emerge, allowing you to be the best possible YOU... a person with the best of masculine and feminine traits, and who, because of a full acceptance of gender qualities, also empathises with the weaknesses inherant in each.

AdaraBeth's dream is that we should accept, embrace and be proud of who we are, not try to hide in a closet. She is saying that the more of our transgendered sisters who come out to positively represent in a public way, the easier the dream will be to achieve.

I embrace her dream whole-heartedly, and would like to add to that... for some, venturing out in public is not an option. Even these sisters can participate in a big way, via the internet. I am so proud of each and every person in this group, as all are doing exactly that. What you are doing with your online presence is reflecting positively on the TG community. It's bound to flow into lots of other areas, I am confident.

If it is possible for you to get out and about en femme, do consider it more often, and to more public venues. I believe you would find it to be a personally liberating experience, and that the vast majority of people would treat you with kindness. It's something you have to try for yourself, and might possibly be surprised how good it feels!

Adara, your light is shining brighter every day honey. Thank you for sharing with us.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/11/out-of-closet-into-life.html

Rhenaiya the Brave

I have seen Rhenaiya's transition over the past few months. She and I live in the same city and are good friends. When we first met a few months ago, she already had an online presence (that's how we met), and had begun telling friends and family, however she'd only been out in public once or twice.

We started going places together, mainly the local gay bar (the larger closet) and had a great time dancing and socializing. Before too long though, Rhen wanted to take it further by going out publicly to more mainstream venues. The first time, we went to a movie theatre. It was a huge milestone for her because she totally passed! No one looked strangely at her, it was ALL GOOD.

Her confidence was boosted, and she continued telling more people, including many of those at work and her bosses. Everyone reacted with acceptance, which surprised us both. We were both fearing a negative outcome that was like those we've heard about. I was hesitant that she should be so open with her collegues (my own fears), yet she forged ahead and did it anyway.

The responses and reactions from her co-workers yet again boosted her confidence such that she decided to go to a certain event where there would be a huge diverse crowd from all walks of live. The difference on this occasion was she was less concerned with "passing" it seemed, and instead was interested in testing the reaction of our local society to "recognizing" her as bi-gendered.

She did not attempt to look like a "girly girl", but looked rather a "tom boy" with makeup on. She wasn't wearing a wig; instead a baseball cap on sideways and her natural hair in two little braids down the sides. She wasn't wearing a dress/skirt, she was basically wearing girls drabs. She was openly walking the gender tightrope.

My first reaction upon seeing her was shock and fear. I thought for sure she would get hassled, if not worse. Well we walked along through thousands of people, and I must say she got many looks. The looks I saw were surprise, shock and in a few cases distain. With all but one exception, the looks were not threatening.

Rhenaiya walked along with her head held high, smiling, proudly speaking relatively loudly, with no attempt to conceal her guy-voice. She openly expressed who she is, in mainstream public, in as honest and forthright a manner as possible. She truly conquered her fears that day, and I was (am) truly moved by her bravery.

Following this event, and the reactions received from the co-workers she had already told, she made the decision to "come out" to everyone at work. Let me emphasise a very striking point here: the woodshop she works in has a group of 50+ manly-men who do wood-working for a living. Think about it. These are blue collar laborer men in mid-nowhere Canada.

We (I) did not give them enough credit, for they have accepted Rhenaiya's transition on the job, without critisism, hostility or degradation. If anything, they have treated her more respectfully than before. A few months ago, Rhenaiya was a guy in their eyes, and now she comes to work in girls drabs and makeup. That's what I call speedy progress!

If Rhenaiya had not been so brave as to challenge her (our) fears, we never would have known how this brilliant miracle called "acceptance" could come from such an unexpected group of people.

Rhenaiya I respect what you are doing, both for yourself and the TG community. You are standing proud, in public, representing your closeted sisters and educating everyone around you just by your presence. You are being true to yourself, and making us all so proud. The deepest debt of gratitude is owed to you by the TG community for your part in changing the world. You are one of our champions.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/09/fear.html

Forgiveness is Golden

Forgiveness is a topic that certainly relates to the life of everyone here, in one way or another. Our ability to forgive is constantly being tested. Rhenaiya Jesson said... "It is the gift of forgiveness, not just of others but of oneself. Guilt is just a form of self punishment and must not be overindulged." This is a very wise statement.

Forgiveness of self is the first step, which will pave the way to forgiving others. Guilt and shame are heavy burdens to carry, and are indeed a form of self-punishment. While it's easier said than done, releasing these boulders makes the path far easier to navigate.

The questions to ask are oneself are, "Is there anything in my past which I have not forgiven myself for? What are the events or sources of my guilt or shame?" The key is identifying these shadows and consciously deciding to release them, coupled with the will and desire to forgive yourself.

Then it should be asked... "Who in this world is yet unforgiven by me? For whom do I harbour this monster called revenge? What benefit can be achieved by hatred?" Once these questions have been pondered, it should consciously be resolved to release these demons and simply forgive. Just let it go... unconditionally forgive anyone who has wronged you, past, present or future whether or not they have apologized.

Anger and bitterness will only tear you up inside, so holding on tight to such feelings is purely detrimental to your own health and well-being. Forgiveness may be one of our greatest challenges in this life. It can be expected that many opportunities to forgive will be presented, whether of ourselves or others.

If a lesson can be learned from something deemed to be a "mistake", then it is not a mistake at all, but rather a stepping-stone to a greater understanding... and therefore, a gift. A gift disguised as a mistake.

When I read Rhenaiya's statement... "No matter what happens I will forgive them. To err is human nature. To forgive is mine."... I hear the angels singing. Thank you Rhen, for this uplifting message. We could all benefit by a little (or a lot) more forgiveness of ourselves, each other, our families, and the world at large.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/09/forgiveness.html