Decompression

Why do transwomen speak of "decompression" and returning to the "regular" you? Must you abdicate your masculinity in order to express your femininity? Are your two selves really two different people? I doubt it very much.

You have compartmentalized your maleself vs femaleself, probably as a defensive mechanism resulting from having to hide any evidence of *her* from the world. The fact is, you are one and the same person, make-up or not. When you get home from an evening on the town, and remove your adornments, the resulting person is still you... au natural.

Instead of creating such a "build-up" to "becoming" her, why not just allow yourself to "be" her on a more regular basis? This does not have to include "every detail", but rather, just the little things. For example, do you wear a soft satiny nightie when you sleep or do you wear men's boxer shorts? Do you keep your body skin smooth? Apply fragrant body lotion? Toenails painted? Take a long bubble bath with candles? Wear lip gloss and girly hairstyles around the house? Wear women's panties under your suit? Do you do these little things for yourself? These are the kind of little things that you can do that will help to bridge the gap between your worlds.

You feel so depressed when you dismantle your femme self because you won't get to see her again for awhile. You do not have to go "all the way" male or female. If you start letting her poke her head out of the closet more frequently in smaller ways, you will find the decompression is less significant.

Darlings, accept and love yourself as "two-spirited". Allow yourself to flourish as such, without sacrificing either spirit. Both sides of you can exist simultaneously. If you will let them, both sides of you can exist harmoniously too. You are such beautiful people, all of male/female you. I think you are the total package, the full meal deal. The woman that catches you will be very fortunate indeed. Please don't ever give up hope.

(originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/07/whats-end-game.html)

What is Character?

July 18, 2005

Character is defined by Oxford Dictionary as: n. 1. all those qualities that make a person, group or thing what he/she/it is and different from others. 2. a person's moral nature. 3. moral strength. 4. a person, especially a noticeable or eccentric one. 5. a person in a novel or play... "

I am a character... in fact, I am a myriad of characters. I have many facets and social personas, and I decide which to put on depending upon my mood, situation and environment. While my characters may not be as radically different in outer appearance as a M-to-F transition, they are nonetheless each finely crafted and based upon many years of growth and introspection.

I use a certain character for business relations, one that is logical, forthright, unemotional, down-to-earth, diligent, and quite male in demeanor. I have another character that is a fun and flirty party girl who likes to dance the night away. I have a sweet little baby girl character, and yet another who is a commanding dominatrix bitch. I have a spiritual seeker, philanthropist, nurturer character, and I am host to a haughty prima-donna character as well. Ideally my characters would live in total harmony, although regretfully this is not always the case. I am a character that is being refined continuously as I strive to reach wholeness, totality, completion as a human being.

I am more than just Michele, yet she is intricately woven into the fabric of myself, and inextricable from the larger me. You as a transwoman are a feminine character that has been developed quite strategically, rather than a random haphazard compilation of traits resulting merely from circumstance. You are putting conscious thought into developing your femme self as an identity based on aspects of your real self. She is the shell you wear to outwardly express an aspect of your true nature. I can totally relate to this.

I love the creative expression that goes into character building. With the simple changing of external adornments, mannerisms and language, it is possible to switch between the choice of a huge spectrum of available personas. We can appear to be whatever we choose to display.

Generally it is assumed that our outer shell is a reflection of who we are inside, although this is not always the case. Perception is often deceiving. Many nuances go into building a persona/identity/image, from personal beliefs and preferences, to the social environment and intention of the message. I enjoyed your examples of characters who transition from the mundane to larger-than-life.

In both cases, a process or journey is inherant in the change, with the goal of becoming something much more brilliant than the original self. The message here is to encourage people to break the mold, and be characters in their own right.

The Calling

July 7, 2005

I do not know what it is, but my recent introduction to the transgender community has sparked some truly amazing feelings in me. I am a passionate person in general, but no single other thing in my life experience has ever grabbed my attention with such undeniable magnetism, such pure force, that it feels almost divinely inspired. I am compelled to make a positive contribution to the transgender cause, though I can not explain why I feel so strongly inclined. I can only try to tell you what is motivating me.

My writings to date are the tip of the iceberg of what has been welling up inside of me, there is so much that waiting to burst through to the written word. From the very first moment I interacted with a tgirl (in person or otherwise), in March 2005, I was captivated. I joined URNA in April and found all of you, each so special and beautiful in your own right, and yet so under-represented. I am positively blown away to find so many extraordinary, talented, intelligent, kind-hearted people all together in one group.

Yin spirits in yang bodies, you are brilliant in my eyes. You are nothing like the negative stereotypes that society sees. Yet my heart breaks at the realization that you are trapped, like beautiful caged birds, not so much by your bodies but by social oppression. The injustice of your plight overwhelms me, and I am driven by the desire to help you, to do whatever I can to emancipate you.

It seems to me that a minor shift in perception is all that is needed to trigger widespread acceptance of transgenderism. If others could see as I see, there would be no more lonely tgirls. I see so many obvious merits to the feminine evolution of man, so many points of understanding I want to communicate, yet I have been holding back these thoughts. I have been trying to block them out of my mind, but without success. I know this could consume me if I let it.

I fear that if I open the floodgate and let it start pouring out, how will I focus on my successful but demanding career which has been 10 years in the making? Am I ready to start from scratch?I look at what is more important, more fulfilling, in terms of life goals and I wonder: is this corporate finance career I have made simply a distraction from my true purpose of making a difference in this world? Yet if I am to move forward on a larger goal of openly dedicating myself to helping create new understanding of transgender identity, my finance career will not survive.

These are mutually exclusive life paths, and I am standing at the fork in the road. If I want to climb the corporate ladder, I can not risk putting myself on a site like URNotAlone. I am easy to recognize so I could not live a double-life. All forms of discrimination are rampant in the upper ranks of the old wasp boys club finance/investment world, and to succeed in that world it would be necessary to maintain the status quo in all aspects of my life.Being honest with myself heralds the realization that the status quo would be a waste of my precious human life.

The beauty is, it is not too late for me to forge a new path, one that is more meaningful and important than spending my days working to make money for greedy strangers. I have pursued the field of finance not because I love money, but so that I may one day be in a financial position to fulfill my philanthropic dreams. My largest goal in life has always been to somehow make a positive difference. I am coming to realize that my present path may be the long way around.
I have always been entrepreneurial, willing to take risks, and I know that this new path must be driven by a leap of faith. It just feels more right to me than anything I have felt before.

What I am feeling is not grounded in logic. I know I will suffer short term losses in pursuit of longer term gains for others, but it is what I must do. It feels as though a larger force is tapping me on the shoulder, calling upon me to deliver a message that is more important than anything else I could ever do.

I want to do whatever is in my power to help you to cast off your shackles, unlock your closet doors and reclaim your true identities. This might sound grandious, but all change starts somewhere, why not here? As Lao Tzu says, even a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.

Whatever progress we make here as a group will help to pave the way for the coming generations of transgendered people. You do not have to come out of the closet to make a valuable contribution to this cause. If through our united expression, we can work against the negative stereotypes, and produce even a glimmer of positive understanding from society at large, life will get easier for all of you.

I have decided to trust my instinct, follow my heart, and dedicate myself to your beautiful path. I can not explain what force has guided my ship to your shoreline, all I know is it is made of pure intention and based on love. I am here with you to stay, and will contribute my abilities, resources and time to making a better world for you.

Thank you transwomen for welcoming me with open arms.

(originally posted at http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/07/calling.html)

A Positive Impression

June 29, 2005

I was asked the question, how do genetic women feel about crossdressers? I don't think the feelings of genetic women about crossdressers can be generalized. It depends on the situation, the people, the culture.

You might be surprised to know that some of the looks and whispers from genetic women are positive. Although they may realize you are a crossdresser, they could just as easily be whispering that they love your shoes or some other aspect of you.

All of the genetic women friends I have spoken with about my new found love for transgendered women are initially quite in the dark about the whole topic, as was I until a few short months ago. When I explain that you are doing this out of your love for femininity, my genetic female friends have responded positively.

I would venture that the vast majority of women you encounter will be ignorant or neutral about your situation. This does not mean they will judge you negatively. It might instead mean that they are like blank slates, waiting to be impressioned. Or perhaps they already have an impression, and could benefit from seeing your example.

My best advice to you is this: when you go out en femme, carry yourself with pride and dignity. Look people in the eye, keep your chin up, and smile warmly. Don't feel guilty because you are out in public representing woman-kind, feel honored and let it show. Just by your presence, you will enlighten many people around you. You are not like the stereotypes they may have been exposed to... you are a proud, beautiful, classy woman who dresses because you respect and love the feminine gender. Women can't help but recognize that, even if only subconsciously.

Every person who sees you will be changed in some way. You have the power to influence this change by your actions, demeanor and appearance. Going out is an opportunity for you to help enlighten people. That is a very credible purpose for which you should be proud.There are also women like me out there, who approve of what you are doing, and admire you very much. If more women had the opportunity to understand you, our numbers would grow.

I am hoping that as a collective group, we can find ways to show people the truly beautiful spirit in which you and others like you are crossdressing. Every time you go out dressed you are taking a step for progress.

(originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/what-do-genetic-women-really-think.html)

Transwomen in the Media

June 23, 2005

It is unfortunate that the media has propegated stereotypes which undermine the transgender community, and it seems there really hasn't been anything noteworthy to balance things out. There has yet to be a common venue that does proper credit to the real spirit of classy, intelligent, beautiful transgendered ladies.

Until I was introduced to URNotAlone, I didn't even know people like you existed. I was as ignorant as the common masses about tgirls. All that I had seen were media examples showing the glammed up barbie-dolls and trashy hookers... and always their affinity for men, never women.

Unlike so many real TG people, the ones who are seen in the pop culture and daytime t.v. are those who seek and thrive on being in the spotlite. They will often go to extremes to be noticed, and in doing so they compromise the integrity of the transgender community at large.

What is needed is for more authentic, intelligent trans women to step out of the closet and into the limelight so the world can see your true beauty. This is not an easy step, because most of you do not want special attention and recognition for your transgenderism. Until some of you step up to the plate and publicly represent your community, the world will only get to see the shemale pornstars and the tgirl entertainers/hookers.

That's a real travesty because most transwomen are true examples of feminine/yin beauty, inside and out, and could be inspirations not only the trans community but humanity at large.

(originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/what-kind-of-girls-are-we.html)

Breaking Out of the Box

June 20, 2005

It seems like so many people want everyone to neatly fit into one box or another. No box seems to truly fit me because I am dynamic, ever-changing, evolving, and that's how I like it... it keeps things interesting, (though it has got me into some trouble in my life!;).

I really admire transgendered people, who are brave enough to climb out of the box (or closet if you will), cast off the chains of status quo, and be free to just "be"... to be whomever you are at the moment... to reserve the right to change and grow in whatever ways suit you best.

If the box is a metaphor for the human body, I believe everyone has the basic human right to change and adorn their body as they see fit. In whatever ways are possible, the box should be made for the maximum comfort of its contents... the human soul inside the box.

People who truly love you will continue to love you no matter what the size, shape, color or gender of the box (body) you live in. Some people that do love you in their own way might still be reluctant to accept change, but in the end you must be true to what you value most in life.

If you are ready to completely transcend the illusion of the box, then its appearance, shape, size, gender, will be irrelevant to you, as you will recognize it as the facade that it is. If you are not ready, then just do what you can in the meanwhile to have the most comfortable and fitting box you can have so you can be the best person you can be.

(originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/have-u-seen-my-box.html)

Am I transgendered?

June 15, 2005

I recently commented that I’ve always felt like a man “trapped” in a woman’s body, and received several responses questioning whether I am identifying myself as transgendered by making this statement. I say “trapped” with tongue in cheek, because I would never want it any other way.

I used to work as a stock broker, in a position where all of my peers were older men. These men seemed to easily recognize and accept my inherant masculinity and started calling me Michael, Mikey or just Mike (my name is Michele). One day after market close we were having drinks, and I proudly proclaimed to this group of manly-men that I am a “gay man trapped in a woman’s body”. They all laughed, and one of them even pointed out the irony of my statement by saying, “well then how the hell are you trapped?”.

Paradoxically, my comment didn't phase these guys. If it had been a man saying the same in reverse, the social consequences might have been different. Pondering more closely upon the subject it would be most accurate to say that in spirit I am a gay male crossdresser residing very comfortably in a petite female body.

To explain what I mean...

1) By gay, I mean that my relationship preference has in the past always been with men, so if I were in a man's body I would be considered gay (although more recently I would consider myself bisexual, or better yet, pansexual).

2) By male I mean I have an abundance of yang energy. I have always related more easily to men, been more interested in male dominated career pursuits like finance and business, excelled in male dominated educational subjects like math and science, I tend to be aggressive and competitive with males, and generally lack in most feminine interests or qualities.

3) By crossdresser I mean because I adore femmie clothing, makeup, shoes, so much that if I were in a man's body I would be a crossdresser. My exterior is about the only thing about me that is blatently female, except when working I wear dark colored power suits to fit in with the guys.

So in spirit I feel like a gay male who crossdresses as often as possible, but only because I love having a female exterior. Despite my masculine personality, I prefer to be recognized as female. I am not at all the stereotypical “butch” woman.

So with the spirit of a gay male crossdresser, I'm lucky to have a female body because people think I'm just a straight female dressed as a woman. I’ve always felt like I’m somehow in disguise, like I have a little secret. I have never felt any urge to change this, or to hide my femininity. I wouldn't give up the very real power that comes with feminine allure for anything.

Since my inner self (male) does not match my outer shell (female), am I transgendered? It may be so, I’ve just never looked at it that way before. Or is the definition of transgendered based upon feelings of pain and anguish caused by the inner/outer gender mismatch? While knowing I have a male spirit, I want to continue living in a female body. Do I fit the definition of transgendered?I am very interested in receiving some different viewpoints on this topic, so please do share your thoughts.

Originally posted at http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/am-i-transgendered.html

CD/TV/TS Labeling

June 15, 2005

There seems to be some controversy in the transgender community as to the usage and meaning of labels such as CD/TV/TS. I'm unsure how this labelling is beneficial, but I've seen many instances where it divides people and puts the community at odds with itself.

While clothing and make-up do not make a woman, some men cross-dress as an outward expression of that which they admire most. What I truly appreciate are those men who strive to do credit to the feminine gender because they love women, whether manifested as occasional cross-dressing or by varying stages of gender transformation.

A number of TS women have opined that cross-dressers don’t deserve to be called “she” because CDs are not on hormones or altering their physical body to become female. I disagree with this view because it is incredibly challenging to come out of the closet, even if simply in cross-dressing form. I would venture that it is not often a decision made lightly, and to do so a person must have fairly strong desire to manifest femininity.It is difficult to judge or distinguish immediately the degree of desire or intention, simply by the chosen label. I won’t jump to a conclusion based on a label, and will give anyone the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

Therefore I will not accept generalizations such as “cross-dressers are sexist men disguised as women so they can act like whores”, because many CDs are men whose life situation will not enable them to truly become a woman, but they still feel the urge to manifest their femininity to the degree that is possible for them. Or some CDs just enjoy their duality, and want to maintain the ability to switch back and forth.

The way I see it is this... transsexuals understand how hard they've had to work to be accepted as a "she", yet it is transsexuals themselves who seem to begrudge cross-dressers the same privilege... many crossdressers may in fact be early-stage transsexuals, or simply men caught in life circumstances that allow them to only dream of being a "she". It shouldn't be so difficult for anyone to celebrate femininity. This is not an exclusive club.

If he wants to be a she, even if only part-time or even closeted, and is doing credit to the female gender, then my view is that "he" deserves to be addressed as "she" while doing so. I want to encourage all respectful efforts from men to manifest yin, in whatever form is most comfortable to them. The degree doesn't matter, it's the purity of intention that counts most to me.

Originally posted at: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/cdtvts-labelling.html

Pondering Men's Liberation

June 14, 2005

I am only coming to realize the pain and guilt that so many endure for a simple pleasure like crossdressing. I am confounded by it, actually... how could something so harmless and healthy as a man wanting to express femininity be deemed so wrong by society?

Women earned the right to crossdress with "women's liberation", and no one thinks anything of it anymore. A powersuit on a woman is considered sexy by many... when I'm feeling my yang, I can dress and act as masculine as I want, and it's ok... why is a skirt on a man who's feeling his yin considered so abnormal? I really don't get it.

"Men's liberation" still has not happened. Society still binds men tightly to rigid one-sided standards. All men feel yin to some degree, yet are brainwashed into believing it must be surpressed and denied. This very fact is a discredit to the feminine gender. Women should recognize that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

For a man to want to be feminine means he places value on the yin energy, which is as it should be. To surpress and deny yin is to say it is of lower value than yang. The emergence of the openly yin spirited man is what is needed to balance this society and humanity in general.The irony is, it is men who are enslaving themselves to the rigid social archetype.

Ordinary men are threatened by the presence of yin spirited men because they are reminded of their own inner torment and battle to enslave the yin, such that many will respond vehemently if not violently. It is men who are keeping themselves confined to the little black box, and persecuting those who dare peek out and openly celebrate yin.

Perhaps it is the women who must reach out, help the men out of the little black box, and join them in the celebration of all that is beautiful, kind, nurturing, loving, feminine... by genetic women condemning trans women, they are assisting in the enslavement of yin, and admitting that yin is inferior. Instead we should be praising her emergence in the male population... it's about time!

The world could use a little more nurturing and love, and a little less war and greed.Yin spirited men represent the evolution of men... their existence indicates the decline of an old-energy social paradigm which has been so destructive to both men and women alike for most of human history.

(originally posted at http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/06/pondering-mens-liberation.html)