Friday, January 27, 2006

The Value of Honesty

Sharon Williams made a very important point about honesty, to which every self-admitted transgendered person can relate. In order to acknowledge and realize one's transgendered state, a certain level of self-honesty is required. All of our TG sisters have already crossed this bridge, a step which took tremendous courage. Yet, this is only the first step.

Next comes honesty about one's own feelings, behaviors, needs and dreams. Self-Realization occurs because of honesty and fulfillment comes from action based on honesty. In order to fully embrace oneself, it is necessary to honestly look at everything, including the dark. Every person has strengths and weaknesses, talents and failings, hope and despair. It requires honesty to admit the full spectrum of reality to oneself. Avoidance of truth due to inner fear will only make the dark grow stronger. Rather than working desperately to avoid the dark, use honesty to help shed light on those areas. Honesty with other people is critical for so many reasons.

I would venture that perhaps no other single factor will determine success or failure in human relations. Honesty is the key element of trust. To be dishonest violates trust, and any relationship will begin to break down without trust. Our word is our bond. Without our word, we have nothing. Whatever we say, let it always be true.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2006/01/honesty.html

*****

Further to this topic of honesty, I am appending an email written just today by Lacey Leigh (www.laceyleigh.com ) which applies so perfectly to our conversation.

TheSuccessfulCrossdresser@yahoogroups.com, "Michelle N Mara" wrote:

> You pass, you have them fooled, and then you go and ruin *it* after
> you had *it* by telling them,......... why?
> > All I could think of was...."but, I'm not *trying to fool them*, I'm
> just trying to be a woman, because I see myself that way, and feel
> that way".
> > Again she said, "but why tell them"? I couldn't answer her.
> > Lacey....anyone......is there an answer? I see what she is saying
> about it being a harmless deception, or not really a deception in a
> case like this. But.......is there an answer?

Michelle,They expect you to stay 'cloaked' because that's what they've been led to believe we should do. When you're 'supposed' to feel ashamed of who you are, you're expected to keep a low profile. They are still in the binary gender - either/or - mindset. If you're out of sight, they don't have to think about it. Your example illustrates otherwise. By being upfront about it, you're shifting the perception and being the change you wish to see.

Why? Because it's honest.

As you can see, the reaction to your honesty is sometimes curiosity, surprise, and confusion. But your cards are on the table and no one will get angry because they feel misled or fooled or deceived.

Why? Because it's making a difference.

There are now several additional people who have encountered an upbeat, unapologetic transgendered person - an image that will surely replace the dysfunctional model they've been led to believe. This is a good thing.

Why? Because it's personally empowering.

Because we are *not* women - but males with an abundance of 'feminine' aspects of personality. Learning to express and explore these facets of character help us grow. But not if we are in a sheltered, 'pretend' mode. It serves us well to accept who we are, in reality - as opposed to fantasy - and then to celebrate all of it.

Wishing you success,
Lacey Leigh
--Author of "7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers"
http://www.LaceyLeigh.com