The Truthgiver

--> Alysyn Ayrica... "I also came to realize that this foundation in rational thought was also a means to maintain my masculine identity and somehow shut out the flood of emotional intensity which was, daily, filling up my basement… I’d grown increasingly weary of constantly, year after year, waveringly breaching my feminine nature and then stepping back into the masculine role offered me at birth, disgusted at not only my lack of sophistication at the task, but also at how like a trapped animal it made me feel."

--> Michele Angelique... "This is a most eloquent expression of the need to be true to oneself. Before you can be truly happy and fulfilled in life, it is necessary to have the basic freedom to BE who you ARE. The more YOU fight against YOU, the more frustrating and exhausting life becomes. In the case of someone like yourself, who is so intensely self-aware, denial of your basic nature is like living in solitary confinement. The male role is (unfortunately) very restrictive in terms of emotional boundaries, and for someone with a high “E.Q” (comparible to I.Q., except on an emotional level), such restrictions would be like slow death. What a wonderful blessing that you are able to express yourself so well in writing, as writing is a tremendous outlet and tool of self-realization."

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Aly said... "How painful is it to live with the loss of not only your husband, but the actual male identity that once inhabited the persona, while still interacting with that person?"

Michele said... "This is a point I wish to ponder… tell me, will your male identity really be lost? Where will he go? How painful will it be to “kill” him? I very much doubt he will go down without a fight. Will it be possible to extinguish him completely and permanently? Certainly, your male body is transformed into a female body, and you look very different. But are you not the same person as before? Surely, in female form you can shed the societally restrictive boundaries to self-expression, and no longer feel the need to participate in stereotypically “manly” activities unless that is what pleases you… but are you not still the same underlying person? What if the resulting “You” after the transformation is allowed to be the same person, but with the added benefit of a lot more freedom of self-expression? The same You, but now living “outside the cage”?

With this in mind, your own feelings of disgust and condemnation toward your male identity might subside. He does not have to perish in order to let Her live. He and She are One; they will coexist in the same vessel (body) no matter what you do to change the vessel. You have total power to change how your vessel appears, whereas extinguishing an important part of the material inside might not be in your highest good. If you could embrace and love both the She and the He within yourself, it would be perhaps be the optimal way to manifest your greatest One in this life. The alternative is that YOU continue to fight against YOU, while inside a vessel that merely looks different than before."

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Aly said... "I had knowingly committed myself to an act that had a great probability of destroying all that I held dear in my life…family, friends, even my children…and risked just as great a destruction of my own soul. Is it possible to remain spiritually intact after having performed such a heinous act?"

Michele said... "How will such distruction occur resulting from you becoming the best possible You? By nurturing your own soul, you will come to love yourself dearly, and in doing so, you will overflow with love which will spill over onto your friends, family, and children. Everyone who encounters you will benefit because you are radiating inner peace, love, and compassion for others. If you are miserable in your own skin, people around you will feel your tension and may even be affected negatively by it. Whereas, if you are happy and joyful to be alive, others will be uplifted and inspired to follow your lead. So, in striving as you are to fulfill your highest good in this life, you are doing the best possible thing for your children, family and friends. There is nothing heinous at work here, precious One. This is all inspired by the love source, therefore it must be good. Dear sister, it is time to release the guilt you hold in your heart."

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Aly said... "If there was ever a time to question the wisdom of God, this would be the decision I would present. I, being the least qualified to be a parent, am suddenly the only parent that my children have."

Michele said... "God does work in often mysterious ways. I believe that God gives the most difficult challenges to the most advanced souls. My view is that the degree of the challenge is commesurate with the evolution of the participant… sort of like the exams in grade school. I do not believe we are ever assigned challenges we are inequipped to cope with. I think key is to find ways to navigate, overcome, and look for ways to turn negatives into positives at every turn. In doing so, our souls evolve further. While misfortune and tragedy most often appear senseless, there is a much bigger picture than can be readily measured on this plane of existence. Every challenge must be viewed as an opportunity for evolution… the bigger the challenge, the greater evolution will take place in overcoming it.

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Aly said... "The most troubling part of my journey through the brambles of transition has been witnessing firsthand the many intelligent and hurting ts women who have chosen to turn their backs on God merely because of their transsexual condition…. My dismay derives from the fact that the only real perspective they will receive is through the spiritual growth they obtain while working through this and communing with their God all the while. The truth of the trial comes not in the clothes, the hormones, the relationships…the truth comes from the Truthgiver. All things derive their meaning from some source. All things are created for a purpose."

Michele said... "This is the part of your writing that made me gasp, sent tingles up my spine, gave me goosebumps, put butterflies in my stomache, followed by tears of joy running down my cheeks. Aly, You are a very wise, very old soul whose words are so very illuminating. The Truthgiver, indeed. I too believe that the label is irrelevant because the source is One. I agree wholeheartedly… all things derive meaning from the same source and all reality is created for a purpose. What a spectacularly woven tapestry, this blind existence in which we live, as we struggle looking everywhere in the dark for answers, while all we need to light our paths is living right inside of us. The key is to look within to find the Truth because it is waiting to be found.Thank you Alysyn for sharing your Truth so intimately with us. We have all been uplifted by your presence and your insights. "

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Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/10/damnation-aly-pt-2.html