Rhenaiya the Brave

I have seen Rhenaiya's transition over the past few months. She and I live in the same city and are good friends. When we first met a few months ago, she already had an online presence (that's how we met), and had begun telling friends and family, however she'd only been out in public once or twice.

We started going places together, mainly the local gay bar (the larger closet) and had a great time dancing and socializing. Before too long though, Rhen wanted to take it further by going out publicly to more mainstream venues. The first time, we went to a movie theatre. It was a huge milestone for her because she totally passed! No one looked strangely at her, it was ALL GOOD.

Her confidence was boosted, and she continued telling more people, including many of those at work and her bosses. Everyone reacted with acceptance, which surprised us both. We were both fearing a negative outcome that was like those we've heard about. I was hesitant that she should be so open with her collegues (my own fears), yet she forged ahead and did it anyway.

The responses and reactions from her co-workers yet again boosted her confidence such that she decided to go to a certain event where there would be a huge diverse crowd from all walks of live. The difference on this occasion was she was less concerned with "passing" it seemed, and instead was interested in testing the reaction of our local society to "recognizing" her as bi-gendered.

She did not attempt to look like a "girly girl", but looked rather a "tom boy" with makeup on. She wasn't wearing a wig; instead a baseball cap on sideways and her natural hair in two little braids down the sides. She wasn't wearing a dress/skirt, she was basically wearing girls drabs. She was openly walking the gender tightrope.

My first reaction upon seeing her was shock and fear. I thought for sure she would get hassled, if not worse. Well we walked along through thousands of people, and I must say she got many looks. The looks I saw were surprise, shock and in a few cases distain. With all but one exception, the looks were not threatening.

Rhenaiya walked along with her head held high, smiling, proudly speaking relatively loudly, with no attempt to conceal her guy-voice. She openly expressed who she is, in mainstream public, in as honest and forthright a manner as possible. She truly conquered her fears that day, and I was (am) truly moved by her bravery.

Following this event, and the reactions received from the co-workers she had already told, she made the decision to "come out" to everyone at work. Let me emphasise a very striking point here: the woodshop she works in has a group of 50+ manly-men who do wood-working for a living. Think about it. These are blue collar laborer men in mid-nowhere Canada.

We (I) did not give them enough credit, for they have accepted Rhenaiya's transition on the job, without critisism, hostility or degradation. If anything, they have treated her more respectfully than before. A few months ago, Rhenaiya was a guy in their eyes, and now she comes to work in girls drabs and makeup. That's what I call speedy progress!

If Rhenaiya had not been so brave as to challenge her (our) fears, we never would have known how this brilliant miracle called "acceptance" could come from such an unexpected group of people.

Rhenaiya I respect what you are doing, both for yourself and the TG community. You are standing proud, in public, representing your closeted sisters and educating everyone around you just by your presence. You are being true to yourself, and making us all so proud. The deepest debt of gratitude is owed to you by the TG community for your part in changing the world. You are one of our champions.

Originally posted in response to: http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2005/09/fear.html